I heard about this burglar who was breaking into a house one night. As he was stealing the stereo he heard a voice that said… “Jesus is watching you.”
He froze in his tracks, shined his flashlight into the corner of the room and he saw a parrot.
He said… “Did you say that to me?”
The parrot said… “Yes, I’m just trying to warn you.”
The burglar said… “Warn me? What are you talking about? Who are you?”
The parrot said… “My name is Moses.”
The burglar laughed and said… “What kind of crazy people would name a parrot Moses?”
The parrot said… “The same kind of people that would name a 150 pound Rottweiler Jesus!”
– (Joke I heard from Jason Moffatt, who heard it from Joel Osteen, who probably heard it from someone else.)
32 Comments
Jason Dinner
November 1, 2012HA!!!
James Grandstaff
November 1, 2012You like that J-Dawg!?
Gary Schafer
November 1, 2012I read this to my wife and she smiled. She hardly ever smiles. Good one. LoL
James Grandstaff
November 1, 2012Your comment made my girlfriend and I laugh out loud. You rock Gary! LMAO!
Mel White
November 1, 2012Nothing like a little warning.
Amer-Rician Ambassador
November 1, 2012HAHAHA!! I suppose the 150 pound Rottweiler was also in the house??
Samuel Heins
November 1, 2012That’s good. thanks for sharing. Hey probably not the location for a Downline Secrets 3 question, but keep me in the loop.
Deron Morrow
November 1, 2012That was Great
Thanks
Deron
Laurie Mills
November 1, 2012Hey James that’s a good one.
Here’s one for you. No offence to the constabulary.
This is an outrageously Australian joke!
A Northern Territory farm hand radios back to the
farm manager.
“Boss, I gotta helluva problem here.
I hit a pig with the ute. The pig’s OK, but he’s
stuck in the bullbar at the front of my ute and
is wriggling and squealing so much I can’t get him
out.”
The manager says, “Ok, there’s a .303 rifle
behind the seat. Take it, shoot the pig in the
head and you’ll be able to remove him.”
Five minutes later the farm hand calls back,
“I did what you said boss.
Took the 303, shot the pig in the head and
removed him from the bull-bars. No problem there,
but I still can’t go on”.
“Now what’s the problem?” raged the Manager.
“Well boss, it’s his motor-bike. The flashing
blue light is stuck under the right-front wheel
arch.”
” Boss ! ”
“………… You there Boss?”
Maurice Jacob
November 2, 2012Well done, there is nothing like a good joke to brighten up your day.
Thanks.
Maurice Bernier
November 2, 2012Score one for the parrot – zero to the burgler. Very cute joke James. thanks for the laugh!
Best wishes to you and yours for a great weekend everyone.
Bertram Heath Sr.
November 2, 2012Thanks for sharing James, I love starting the day with a good laugh 🙂 It’s about time someone posts a good clean joke that’s actually funny!
Darren
November 8, 2012Wonderful Joke
Kimball Roundy
November 8, 2012Love it J 😉
Dave Marston
November 8, 2012Hysterical!!
You don’t mind if I use that down the pub do you James?
Thanks!
Diane Ramirez
November 8, 2012That was laugh out loud funny. I know I’ve heard it before. Nonetheless gives one a good chuckle just picturing the bird, the 150 pound Rottweiler, and the look on the burglar’s face when he sees Jesus!!!
My husband will love this one! Thanks for the laugh.
Bruno M
November 10, 2012both very good jokes –
and Laurie?
that was Killarious . . LOL.
(typo intentional!)
Unconventional Me
November 10, 2012That was funny!
Keep in mind that if the dog’s owner is of Spanish decent, then that name is pronounced Hay-soos! LOL
Laughter is good medicine.
Ray
November 23, 2012Good joke James
Ralph
September 22, 2013James,
I’m glad that I found your email today made me laugh. It was the high light of my day. Will definitely look forward for more to keep me in stitches. Keep em coming.
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